In the next couple of months, in the run up to Christmas I like this to be the running theme in the studio and in my classes.
Who are you? And most importantly: Do you like/love yourself?
I was listening to a podcast today where they talked about becoming a parent and loosing yourself in the process? This made me wonder...
I do indeed find myself saying sometimes in conversaton that 'Yes, I lost myself when becoming a parent’. Those first few hectic years. I may agree that 'I turned in someone I didn't know' and though there is some truth in it, when I really contemplate this from within, I like to give it a different and more positive spin. Lets dissect it;
I didn't loose myself and whom I was; I simply changed gears. I became a mama and a whole new side of me came out at the forefront. A different mindset and different actions were required. After all, I now had a little humanbeing depending on me and I couldn’t just run out of the front door, to the cafe for a coffee with friends. Someone was asleep upstairs. This once simple action now became a mission that needed military planning, timing and a flawless execution; mostly by packing all the required gadgets one may need at any moment when having coffee with a baby. And there are many.
I díd turn into someone I didn’t know, but it was someone I really enjoyed meeting.
I now was a person feeling so much love for someone else that for a time it was all consuming but a wonderful warm feeling. I lived and breathed being a mama in every molecule of my body. The biggest problem was, that when I did have kids, my partner wasn’t ready for me to be a parent. So this is where often these words "I dont recognise her" come from. My partner continued going to work daily, meeting friends after work, going to the gym as and when he pleased and often travelled for work too. All in all, not a lot changed for him, apart from that now, when he came home, I was not falling in through the door at the same time and I was not meeting him in a bar after work looking immaculate and hot; I was making 12 different veggie purees with mashed potato in my hair. When we did go out, it was me planning the sitter and me worrying all was fine. When we travelled, I had a baby on a hip or a toddler by the hand. And he wasn’t ready. I became ‘boring’ and (in his words) not very clever.
And so, I felt insecure about being this me. I was walking on eggshells, trying to please and every day I lost a little knowledge about whom I was. Comparable to when I was teased at school or when I had a terrible bully of a boss. When people don't treat you well, unkind and uncaring, when people make you feel unworthy; I now know thát is when you loose your sense of self. And it is a really deep black hole to come out off.
Looking back at this time, I was always me. The same person. Still there. Though hidden at times. I loved and still love being a mama. (for a long time I did not love going ot school and I certainly never liked working for a few, always female, bosses) But being a mama makes me feel grounded & happy. It is a label I carry with pride. And as the kids have become older, there is slowly more time again for my 'old me' to come out. Except there really is no old me. Such thing does not exist. There is just me. I have always been there and I have been going through the motions of life. What I do gain now is time. Time and wisdom. I dare to be me, I dare to choose my friends. I dare to speak up for myself and I know, like and love myself.
As my kids are teenagers, either at uni or getting close, I feel a mama more than on the day they were born. But I am aware I'm entering a different stage of life. Turning 50, the menopause, the kids moving out; I see them as a right of passage. I have life experience bringing wisdom and I have time as I stand on the edge of a new era where my choices, once again, can be more about me. I take this very seriously. I have raised the kids, worked hard, built a home, set up a beautiful life with wonderful people and now, right in the midst of it all, the choice is mine again and I want to choose wisely. Who am I and what do I want?
3x me feeling me
When we carry labels in life such as mama, wife, daughter, sister, friend, boss, employer it can feel like we loose ourself in those roles and we may loose sight of what we want. Every title requires a different mask. A different version of you that matches other’s expectations. Thoughtful daughter, caring wife, dutiful employer and fun friend. Very few people manage to stick to their original and truest self through it all. This can be truly exhausting and feel like you can never just be who you are. With a risk of loosing that person altogehter.
So what is that; yourself? Which part of you sits in all those roles? Which parts do you put on to fit in?
I have created a little test for you to find your inner you. Scroll down to have a go and in the meantime:
be your true self and make decisions in life from the heart. Feel like you are on your path and your journey alone (ie not someone else's) and love yourself. This is not egocentric. Because it is not something you have to shout about. You do not have to feel superior to other’s. You just feel you and are at peace with all the good bits as well as the less charming bits. Dare to be unapologetically you.
This is what I want to work within through the dark months. And if you live, like me, in the UK or similar; dark they are. Even today in broad day light, the clouds are solid and hanging low. When looking out of my window all I can see is light grey from top to bottom with no horizon or gaps. This means that all the light and all the joy has got to come from somewhere else and from within me.
Join me in joyful yoga classes, warms and caring meditation evenings, healing Soundbaths and come as you are.
Sign up for classes and events this winter here:
THE TEST
Have a look at all the words below and with one colour pen circle all the ones that you are always and in all situations (work/home/out). Then take a different colour and highlight the ones that you are when with certain groups, maybe a different colour for each group: family/work/friends.
Can you see yourself emerge?
Now add at least one more that makes you feel a little bigheaded and you didn't circle yet.
Then at least one more that you rather wouldn't be but are from time to time.
Is this becoming more like you?
Now when did you last feel the most like this person? Was it recently or years ago? I dare you to be deeply honest.
Can you be your true self around the people you spend most time with? And if not, why do you think that is? Why do you spend time with people you can not be yourself with? Is this something you could change?
Lastly; add a few that you would like to be but are not.
Afterall, there is always room for personal growth.
Much Love
Laura
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Much Love
Laura
Sign up for classes and events this winter here:
Comentarios